Senior Project Thesis

one more
and I know this one is the hardest
but you really only have one more
one more and that stage is yours
that stage is yours to honor your mother
prove to your father
that you can be, have been, will be a man.
the one always there for her.
one more
reason to be the hardest
but still just one more.

Thoughts At The End of Service

1.

I just hope I am not too excited for you!
because I know what it is like
to watch the mail
plan friends and projects and
the way you will change.
to imagine that first time
you felt more peace
felt more calm than ever.
it will be there even when
it will be there
you will be there to find it.

2.

I don't think a thousand years
would give me the time
to understand
to be ready.
think on my own
think and speak
confidence in diction, clarity and
passion.
I don't think I'll ever know enough to think
the right way.

When you become a mother without a mother

you'll hold him forever
you'll wait when he walks
too fast
wait

he'll grow up so fast
you'll have so much more than any mother-I know you're scared

but even the way you protect him now
the way you've protected yourself
hide him beneath your handbag
hidden your truth
but you won't hide the truth with him
and everything that could have been yours
I know you've already given
and every dream you should have had
is now dreamed for him.

Brother

Where have you been brother? Our mother.
It’s our mother.
And beyond that
I’m scared to tell you
I’m scared.
Because I am here alone now.
Because at least before
it was we.
Now I’ve had to find a way
and let him have his way.
I’ll have to share this child
because you gave me
no other way.
I can’t even tell you
not just scared, but you’ve left me
alone
illegal
alone.

Compiled Text Messages

Happy Thanksgiving it said peace to all
it said Merry Christmas I miss you and thank you.
it said good morning, good afternoon, goodnight-night night!
it said I believe.

it said I will be there, that's bananas, last one to go!
it said how are you, where are you, can you be here please, soon?
it said I believe.

it said smiley, smiley, !!! face send me the scholarship please?
it said I'm out of town, but I'll be back soon sorry I didn't say.
it said: your stud, Vinnis love mc thank you again cc.
it said I believe.

Gates Scholarship Sessions

Not everyone wins
everyone sat.
we sat-fingers fatigued, butts tired, eyes tired
and then we sat.
we felt heroic
who else was here at eight?
and we sat.
our fingers fatigued, butts tired, eyes tired
we were frustrated, this was overrated-we rated
we couldn't always feel possibility
we sat.
we got up.

Office

it was never really an office
that's why it fit
that's what made it ours
they kicked us out, and it was ours
Youa said there could have been a bomb, but it was ours
windows surrounded this place
but it was still our hideout
and it was the hideout of ours.
we got defensive when you waltzed through
add a chair, take a desk
we needed those in here.
this is where we told secrets
this is where we held secrets
concrete floors and walls, soak in all these secrets.