all his pieces

It felt like a heart attack
but I know that can't be true
and then the bell rings
it starts beating

and in one motion
his fingers splayed
almost motioning, really just hovering
a loose handle over
something uncontrolled
terrifying
with its surprise arrivals

and I just keep thinkin

thoughts all defined
with his fingers slowly moving upward
toward each other
as if every ounce of energy within them
burst and jolted to
pray
but the wrists, unsure, hold back

I can't stop thinkin'
about all these memories

In one same jolt the fingers give in,
crown drops and hangs almost
lifeless
if not for a determined
understanding back and forth
led from his jaw.

you know, my grandfather
he tells this great story,
when I first heard it
I almost peed my pants
he was on this dam

but before,
his esophagus allowed
and pulled his chest up
brought the edges of his eyes back
and his mouth
easy, comfortable
for a moment
purely happy

she knew everyone
my grandma, grandpa
my brothers
she met my mom
and I wanted that
I wanted that with her
I wanted to meet her parents
I was ready for that two years ago
and I don't know what happened
I would give this
any of this
I would give anything

but I guess I can't.


and all these pieces held all
his pieces
in his fingers, throat, heart even
at the sides of his eyes
all these pieces held all his pieces
together.